Votive by Mary Ann Samyn

So, this is just college, says M, age 11. It is, I say, looking around at what I look around at all the time, especially the space where the historic sycamore used to be. All the ghosts, probably. 

I can’t say I have any archenemies because I don’t. M again. This is remarkable, actually, age 11 and all. Well, good for you, I say. There’s still time, I don’t say. Lol, mostly. 

We had walked out of church, mid-homily. Me first, naturally. I’m like that. Then the rest of the family in town for an autumn visit. 

Classic deviltry is a bridge too far for us. Sorry not sorry, Father Whoever-you-think-you-are. All are not welcome. Did he really say that? Jerk, to put it mildly. Sad jerk in a college town.

Pretty sure that’s not the Jesus they told us about back in the day in Catholic school, decent and mild.

Who Is Jesus? I took that class sophomore year. I don’t know the answer anymore, if I ever did, but pretty sure J was a welcoming dude in a get-your-shit-together-everybody-no-exceptions kind of way.

Sometimes I wish I had children, but other times not. For one thing, I’d rather not explain Jesus. 

But I do love going to the old churches. One favorite has a brand-new candle dispenser. 

I took a video of my sister buying a candle. Then she took a video of me. 

Oh wow, I said, as the machine gently lifted the candle, moved it over and set it down. The little door opened, and the candle was mine. 

Wow, I said again, which I say a lot, always remembering my dad who had only a few words left after a stroke. 

I placed my candle at the statue of St. Joseph in honor of my dad. Also, because I always imagine St. Joseph a little bewildered. Relatable. 

And I left it there to burn, unattended, just fine, all night and into the next day and for who knows how long, because, like it or not, that’s how it works. 

Mary Ann Samyn’s flash nonfiction has appeared in On the Seawall, Los Angeles Review, Thin Air, and elsewhere. Her most recent books of poems include Air, Light, Dust, Shadow, Distance and the forthcoming The Return from Calvary, both from 42 Miles Press. She teaches in the MFA program at West Virginia University.

5 December 2024