If Only By Dmitry Vodennikov Translated from the Russian by Richard Coombes

If Only

If only; if only it would snow.

I lived, I was, defeated, honoured, proud.

Oh, when will come the snow, the falling snow?

The snows will come.

One day I’ll step down from the off-white  porch

See mum, now passed, and father still alive

And gran, my sister, you too, and my brother.

Great-gran will say to me: in that far land,

And you will turn to me and say: I love you,

And gran will say: I’m not the one to blame.

Oh, when will come the snow, the falling snow?

From every fault, from all of my great sorrow.

I’ll suddenly see: it’s all about us all:

You, me, him, her, each one of us—

And all the keys we thought we’d long since lost.

And I will say, I love you, and that I

Am just a dream, blown trash from yesterday.

And life goes on; December’s at the door.

And I will say, I love you. Oh, but why …

What am I frightened for. Why so afraid.

Пускай, пускай повалит этот снег

Пускай, пускай повалит этот снег.

Я жил, я был, сражён, горжусь медалью.

Когда ещё повалит этот снег?

А снег повалит.

Я выйду днём с белёсого крыльца

увижу маму мёртвую, отца

живого, бабушку, сестру, тебя и брата.

Прабабушка мне скажет: в том краю,

а ты мне скажешь: я тебя люблю,

а бабушка: а я не виновата.

Когда ещё повалит этот снег?

Из всех прорех, из всей моей печали.

Я вдруг пойму, что это всё про всех:

тебя, меня, него, неё, про всех —

и все ключи, которые искали.

И я скажу, что я тебя люблю,

что я лишь сон, что я лишь сор вчерашний.

И жизнь идёт, и дело к декабрю.

И я скажу, что я тебя люблю.

Но почему же мне теперь так страшно, страшно.

Dmitry Vodennikov is a prize-winning Russian poet and essayist, and a presenter of radio shows devoted to Russian literature. He has published numerous books of both verse and prose. In 2002, he was named as one of the ten best living Russian poets in a poll of 110 leading Russian poets and critics.

Richard Coombes has written music, songs, and stories, and is a former international tax specialist who took early retirement from tax in order to pursue his passion for Russian. Recently published translations include several short stories by Elena Dolgopyat, poetry by Lyudmila Knyazeva, and a couple of his own short stories. Upcoming publications include a selection of Russian WWII poetry for a forthcoming anthology and a documentary-thriller-biography by Pavel Basinsky about the life and mysterious early death of the Russian diarist and feminist Liza Dyakonova. Richard has just signed a contract (subject to funding) to translate a recent winner of Russia’s National Bestseller book award.

1 February 2022