Self Portrait as an Anna Karina GIF at 17 by Cloud Delfina Cardona

i want a black bob and French fluency
like Anna Karina

i want to look melancholy
in a seductive type of way

instead i have Bright Eyes lyrics
tangled in my hair

and dried blood
around my cuticles

i spend my weekends lassoing
glossy pictures of Audrey Tatou and Thom Yorke

whiteness scotch taped to blue walls
i want to believe i can change

a friend cuts my bangs
and it does nothing

my round face mocks me
steeped in Belle & Sebastian

my wanting for black & white bike
rides and cigarettes is never-ending

i avoid eye contact with myself but spend
time in the mirror of Ghost World

why does my sadness feel
so ordinary

i get home from school
hours sucked by naps and Tumblr

wake to the sound of oven exhaust
the smell of arroz con pollo

i sit with my family
in silence

Cloud Delfina Cardona (they/she) is a writer and artist born and raised in San Anto, Tejas. Cardona is the author of What Remains, winner of the 2020 Host Publications Chapbook Award. She is also the co-founder of Infrarrealista Review, a literary organization dedicated to publishing Texan writers. Cardona’s poems can be found/are forthcoming inPrairie Schooner, Apogee, Cosmonauts Avenue, Bodega Mag, Salt Hill Journal, wildness, and more. You can see their work at cloudelfina.online.

26 June 2023