Vacation in Vermont by Tara Menon

Dear Liam,

I’m glad you’re having a great time in Vermont. It’s really nice of you to ask me to join you on your vacation. I can’t get away now on account of my work at Tessera Therapeutics, which is keeping me busy. I hope you don’t mind if I send my grandmother instead. She loves the idea of visiting you in Vermont for a couple of days. As she doesn’t drive, her nephew will drop her off at your cabin. My mother is busy in her accounting firm and Dad’s gone to India for his school reunion. 

It’s good your cabin is spacious as she will need her own bedroom (a queen bed) and bathroom. Make sure there are plenty of hangers in the closet for her to put away her saris. You don’t have to entertain her—she’ll watch Indian TV on Roku. She’s hard of hearing and keeps the volume on high. I hope you won’t be bothered. You could wear the noise-cancelling headphones I gave you. She’s a TV addict so she’ll keep the TV on even when she’s on WhatsApp with her friends and relatives from all over the world. If there’s a problem with Roku, please view it as an emergency and take care of the problem with the greatest speed. She’ll be appreciative. 

She normally eats Indian food. Don’t worry if you can’t find an Indian restaurant. She likes certain kinds of Western foods. In the mornings, she loves Earl Grey tea (it has to be super hot) with a dash of milk. She’ll have oatmeal and a couple of blueberry waffles or pancakes with maple syrup/ butter and, finally, a small bowl of grapes. For lunch, she could have a bowl of soup followed by pasta, a salad, and soft breads. She usually eats an apple or an orange at the end of her meal. A couple of Lindt chocolates would be welcome. At four pm, she has tea (super hot again) and cookies (she calls them biscuits) and pastries. She also needs something salty like crackers or French fries. Dinner could be pizza, a roll with olive oil to dip into, and, for dessert, a slice of apple pie or pumpkin pie. After dessert, a slightly unripe banana would be fine. Everyone loves my grandmother, but if she gets hungry she might be a tad cranky, so it’s best to be punctual. She’s packing her spicy pickles to add to her food. Just make sure the oily spice doesn’t stain the table or chair. She’s good about not troubling her hosts, though, and if she sees any pickle on the table, she’ll be sure to clean it off.

As I said, you don’t need to entertain her. Of course she’d appreciate some of your attention. I’m sure you’ll enjoy telling her about what a couple of our high school teachers put us through—the ones who got suspended after we left. She’ll probably be happy to narrate a few mythological stories. I know that sounds boring, but trust me she’s one of the most dramatic people I know, and if she tells you a scary tale, you won’t sleep at night. Just don’t let her tell you about her life because then you will be crying all night and she’ll cry right along with you. Actually, she’s lucky in many aspects. Sometimes, she knows it and enumerates her blessings to me.

Also, she loves scenic drives and Vermont is rich in scenery. She would really appreciate it if you’d take her on an hour-long drive. Please drive the car slowly as she has a tendency to get motion sickness. In fact, it may be safe to keep a plastic bag in the glove compartment. If she does get sick, don’t panic. She’ll revive the moment the ride is over.

In the evenings, she goes for a four-mile walk. She says that the evening sun is good for her health. Of course, since the surroundings will be unfamiliar to her, she won’t venture out unless you go out with her. After you return to your cabin, she’ll stay in her room praying for half an hour. Don’t hesitate to confide about the problems in your life to her. She’ll chant a mantra and your problems will disappear pretty soon after. 

If Julia visits, it might be better not to be too lovey-dovey in front of her. Also please don’t be loud when you’re making out with Julia at night. I’m sure she’ll get along fine with my grandmother. Like I said, everyone loves her and she’s the life of the party.

Before my grandmother retires, we leave a glass of water on her bedside table. She’ll need a night light in her room. Her walking stick should be beside the bed in case she gets up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. 

My grandmother may sound a little spoilt, but when you keep in mind that she hobnobbed with Queen Elizabeth and Indira Gandhi, you’ll understand why her standards are exceptionally high. However, once in a while she says that she’s come down in life. Anyway, she has the best bathroom and bedroom in our house, a recent addition that cost a fortune—the equivalent of a mansion elsewhere in America.

Her relative will pick her up after two days. But if you both are having the time of your lives, you could cancel the arrangement and drop her off when you return to Boston. In fact, I know you will ask her to stay on because everyone loves her, including her servants in India, who sob their heads off when she leaves, even though she is a strict mistress. The reason is her heart is huge and she floods them with love and presents and fat salaries. 

My grandmother wants to know if there’s anything she can get you from here. Don’t hesitate to let us know. 

Take it easy, 

Sid

Tara Menon is an Indian-American writer based in Lexington, Massachusetts. Her fiction has appeared or is forthcoming at Fairy Tale Review, Pennsylvania Literary Journal, Kitaab, Armstrong Literary, The Hong Kong Review, and Litro. Menon’s short stories also appear in anthologies like Living in America.

3 July 2026