Preschool Drop-off on a Monday Morning by Victor McConnell

He is my child and I’m leaving him. He knows it and doesn’t understand why, especially after the weekend. This morning marks a new betrayal, another unforgivable sin. I can still hear his cries from the parking lot; his voice scratching an octave that can travel across any amount of time or distance. 

I pause at the car door then turn back and make my way to a hidden spot behind the fence, wanting to see that he is okay, not wanting to leave until he stops weeping. Turn around, look at the sandbox on the playground behind you. Step into it, let the grains spill through the holes in your miniature crocs as you squat down to play with that plastic wheel loader. Scoop up a full bucket at that imagined construction site. 

Some days he will approach another child. On those days, I’m heartened. On others, he’ll just stand there, wistful, unsure what to do, unsure why his father left him. I’ll feel the twang of the thin string that connects our hearts, and I’ll have to stop myself from rushing through the gate to rescue him. I’ll admonish myself at the silliness of the urge: being able to send your kid to preschool is a blessing; many people can’t afford one; some people have to leave their children in undesirable places; some children endure real trauma—this is normal, this is what I’m supposed to do, this is the socialization that he needs.

I peer through the shadowy slat in the fence with a single eye. I don’t want him to see me. If he does, he will begin wailing anew. I whisper, go on son, go on, the sandbox is full of toys, there is construction equipment there, there is another solitary child by the swing, go to them, maybe they feel as lonely as you do. And also: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

Victor McConnell grew up in a small town in Texas and graduated from Dartmouth’s creative writing program in 2004.  His first book, a collection of short stories titled When Even the Bones Have Thinned, is scheduled for publication in late 2025. He has a 14-year-old son and lives in Golden, Colorado. www.victormcconnellauthor.com

17 October 2025